Here are some fruit and vegetable jokes. If you have a joke, why not send it to us?

Q: What is square and green?
A: A lemon in disguise

Q: How do you make an artichoke?
A: Strangle it

Q: What’s the fastest vegetable?
A: A runner bean

Q: What do you call two rows of vegetables?
A: A dual cabbage way

Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor?
A: Because it wasn’t peeling well

Q: What is small, round and giggles a lot?
A: A tickled onion

Q: What’s the strongest vegetable?
A: A muscle sprout

Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because he saw the salad dressing.

Q: What happens to grapes when you step on them?
A: They just give a little wine.

Q: What do chickens grow on?
A: Eggplants.

Q: What is red and blushes?
A: An embarrassed tomato!

Q: What do you get when you cross a potato with an onion?
A: A potato with watery eyes.

Q: Where were potatoes first fried?
A: In Greece

 

Q: What did the apple skin say to the apple?
A: I’ve got you covered

Q: Why aren't bananas ever lonely?
A: Because they come in bunches!

Q: What is a vampire's favourite fruit?
A: A neck-tarine!

Q: Why did the Tomato go out with a prune?
A: Because he couldn't find a date!

Q: How do you fix a broken tomato?
A: Tomato paste!

Q: What did the lettuce say to the celery?
A: Quit stalking me.

Q: What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato whilst on a family walk?
A: Ketchup.

Q: What do you call a retired vegetable?
A: A has-bean.

Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grump-pea.

Q: Why did the lemon cross the road?
A: Because it wanted to be a lemon squash!

Q: What is small, red and whispers?
A: A hoarse radish.

Q: What do you call two banana peels?
A: A pair of slippers

Q: Why did the man pour vegies all over the world?
A: He wanted peas on earth.


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